No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
