meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
