is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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