I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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