Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
