i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
