I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
