Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found the puke drawer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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