What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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