some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
