my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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