I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
