Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
