Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
