We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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