Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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