the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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