I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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