i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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