i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
