Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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