New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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