guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
