Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
