I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
