Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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