Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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