i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
