Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
