Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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