My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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