forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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