I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
