They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
