fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come share oat with me in your robe
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
