I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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