After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
