trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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