that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize