Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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