The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
