one might say we're banned from that church
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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