sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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