My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
