She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
