God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
