I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
