he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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