I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
