Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
