Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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