I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
