you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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