i jhust puked up my retainher.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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