I heard we made out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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