I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
