Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
