a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
