coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
