What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
